My last post about short term relationships raised some questions. They made me think about when my marriage was coming to an end. It reminded me of that emotional, crazy, crappy time. It made me think about all the times I chose to stay instead of walk away. For me the hardest part has been coming to terms with the staying, thirty years is a long time.
Having Children Changes Everything
So I’ll get straight to the point, having children does change everything. I can’t speak for people in relationships without children because I don’t know what that feels like but I know what it’s like to be there because you have children.
I want to stress that I would never advocate someone staying in an abusive relationship, that is never healthy. Nor do I think staying for the children per se is good, all I am saying is that having children does change everything. Is it always better to stay in a relationship for your children, absolutely not?
My parents had a very unhealthy relationship, I think in their case we would have been better off in a single parent household. In my own marriage I genuinely feel it was best for my children because their father did the best he could and we both worked hard as parents. It’s evident in the fact that all three of our sons are mostly well rounded, responsible adults.
Just knowing that we did the best we could for our children is enough to actually make the thirty years somewhat worthwhile.For most of the time, we were good friends, so there was no real battle ground at home. The fact that we can still talk to each other with relative respect and little anger means the relationship ended when the time was right. No bitterness needed, just move on and love life.
Should You Stay or Should You Go?
When you ask yourself if you should stay or go, remember to drown out the voices of all those around you and listen to only what you know. Nobody knows you and your relationship better than you do, nobody knows how you feel better than you. But if you don’t really know what you are feeling or you are disconnected with your own needs, then it’s time to start digging deep to find your own answers.
We can all give advice, tell others to walk out or stay based on our own experiences but in the end, it’s really up to the individual. In the end we all have to live our own life, we all have our own journey. If fear is what is keeping you in that relationship, then perhaps you need to explore the fear.
I would never tell anyone what they should do, I’m here sharing my story because I want you to see that you don’t have to stay. If you choose to leave and start over, you can make a better life for yourself. But if you stay, then do yourself a favour and make your life count.
And here’s a song that might lighten the mood. And don’t forget to join the private Facebook Group for more on this subject.