This longing to feel complete by somehow finding this one Mr Right or Mrs Right is the cause for so many relationships ending. Just imagine the already unrealistic expectations you put on another person when you are looking for them to make you feel whole again?
Oprah mentions the statement by Tom Cruise in the film Jerry Macguire where he says “you complete me” to his new love. In the video the discussion focuses on how we can only complete ourselves. Too look outside of ourselves to feel complete is a recipe for disaster. It breeds clingy, needy relationships which often turn into toxic relationships.
How long will it take for someone to not meet your exceptions? How perfect can anyone be? And I guess how can anyone make you feel complete if you don’t feel it alone?
For any relationship to be healthy, fulfilling and happy the people in them must be whole and happy in their own skin.
Linda Frances gives an example of a failed relationship and states
“When you are broken you will attract the wrong people”
It could not be said any better than this
“Instead of looking for the right person, work on making yourself the right person for you, then the right person will be drawn to you” – Oprah Winfrey
Why You Should Stop Looking for Mr Right or Mrs Right?
I feel a little cruel to say this but I feel compelled to. Over romanticising has led to so many relationships breaking down. We get into new relationships with unrealistic expectations and dreams, and this is fine for a while but it’s not long before you start to see the other person in their true colours. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just that when we take off those tinted glasses and look through clear eyes, we see a real person. And real people are not perfect!
So without breaking your bubble about the Hollywood illusion, perhaps it’s time to stop looking for Mr Right (or Mrs Right of course) and start getting real.
Do The Work On Yourself
For many people it’s far easier to be in denial about themselves than it is to look outside of themselves to be complete. In the video Linda Frances talks about being in a toxic relationship as a consequence of not dealing with the feeling of betrayal from a previous relationship. It wasn’t until she allowed herself to feel the pain that she was able to let go. She the was able to work on herself. She became the person she wanted to be, created the life she wanted for herself and attracted the right person into her life.
However not everyone is self aware and not everyone is willing to put the work in. I see so many people all to ready to blame their partners or blame society for the state of their life, yet they fail to make any changes. Safer to stay as I am right?
Complete Yourself – Then Your Whole World is Complete
Your View Of Relationships May Need Updating
We are in 2016 yet our view of relationships are based on the 1950’s (actually earlier). We still dream of some prince marrying us and taking us to this magic palace where we will be happy ever after. Men on the other hand dream of these beautiful women, made of glass, who look just as beautiful twenty years later as they did when they were mere children! Ok I’m over exaggerating but you get my drift.
Here’s the thing though, men and women are now equal (in principle anyway) Many women are ambitious, independent and love their freedom. Most of us are fully accepting of same sex and inter-racial relationships. There are more and more nontraditional ways of living and open relationships not based on exclusiveness,. Yet we are trying to keep relationships traditional.
There is online dating, online virtual worlds, globalisation and the world is a much smaller place. We taste other foods, see other cultures and religions. Yet we are chasing this traditional long term, exclusive and yet elusive relationship.
What’s the right relationship? – I say it’s the one that best fits you. Perhaps you need to change your criteria? Perhaps you need to open your mind?
Staying is No Longer The Norm
And this brings me to discussing why people stay in relationships even if it doesn’t give them what they need. I think most people just don’t like shaking up the status quo. It’s so much easier to moan, to blame the other person than it is to let it go, walk away and start over, right?
When a relationship ends it’s seen as a failure, personally I think it takes great courage to say “it served it’s purpose, it was what I needed and wanted at the time but now it’s time to move on!”
If we walk away, let it go, we are getting out of our comfort zone, we are perhaps putting ourselves into a challenging new unknown life. But surely that’s what being alive means, taking responsibility for your own life and not accepting a life less ordinary.
I also think some people thrive on the drama of a toxic relationship. It makes them somehow feel more important because either they are a martyr or they are a victim or worse they are a powerful bully! They become so sucked into the story “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”
Personally I think to be in an unhappy toxic relationship is death, no need to wait for it to happen it’s already happened.
Does that mean I don’t believe in relationships? Not at all, just not in the traditional sense.
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