When my marriage ended I decided that I was going to take advantage of my new found freedom and really make life changes. I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do, it’s just my way and it is right for me. After thirty years of marriage you accumulate a lot of stuff and I don’t only mean material things, I mean emotional attachments.
What I want to do is highlight the importance of letting go in order to move on, deal with the anxiety and start over. However before I go on I don’t want you to think that this was easy or that I’m one of those jolly “life is so great now I’m free !!” types. I totally understand (been there, done that) the fear that goes with separation from a long time partner. When faced with the choice of trying to cling on or to let go and fly, I think the second option is much healthier. It doesn’t mean there will be no anger, pain, deep loss what it does mean though is that the suffering will be bearable and over time it becomes a part of you, nothing else.
In the roots of all Buddhist teachings is that suffering is self inflicted because we choose to hold on to pain thinking that letting go will be more painful. It’s the fear of the unknown, the fear of facing a new future one that you didn’t even expect to ever have to think about. But like it or not, it’s happened so you now have a choice, hold onto it or let it go
“Happiness or Sorrow – Whatever befalls you, walk untouched unattached” – Buddha
What I did was to sell my home, pack everything into two cardboard boxes and move on. Yes I either sold everything or gave it away. I didn’t want to carry any baggage into my new life and so I totally detached from things “we” owned and was left with what I owned. To be specific all I kept were photos of my children, some books and my personal papers like certificates. It was so liberating, nothing to hold onto.
When I shut the door behind me and threw the keys in through the letter box, it was with mixed feelings of loss and not quite believing my new circumstances but also a real feeling of freedom. Now what was my excuse for not living according to my plan?
Stay tuned to find out what I did next………