My marriage breakup has been the hardest lesson so far but one that I have truly valued. That doesn’t mean I would not have preferred to have met the right person and had a great loving marriage, forever. None of us go into a marriage or a relationship with the intention of it ending, it’s not the plan. But it happens to so many of us and then we have to pick up the pieces and start over.
Starting over at 50 has it’s own unique challenges. If like me you were married for a long time, there are so many habits to be broken or unlearned. So many attachments to let go off, probably a lot of hurt, anger and disappointment to heal.
And now here I am almost one year since my divorce and over a year since my separation. It’s just so strange how time passes and how people change. I feel that the old me doesn’t exist anymore and in her place is someone new or perhaps not new, she was there all along but got lost in the years of compromise.
After the breakup I started the process of letting go. Firstly to the things I had become attached to through my thirty years of marriage. I sold my home, packed all my possessions into three cardboard boxes and whatever else I had I sold or gave away. Three boxes was all I valued and those boxes only contained photos of my children. Nothing else was of any value to me and I didn’t want to carry anything else into my new life.
I was still holding on to anger, disappointment and deep pain but that needed time and work. I’m pretty much through that now. There are times of course when the feelings of disappointment come back but they are rare. I let go of the anger a long time ago.
A real need for Freedom
For many years I had a real yearning for more freedom. I had a “good” job with a good salary but I knew that what I really wanted was freedom. I was never happy in the corporate world as we call it, I was never happy doing a 9 to 5 and I absolutely detested playing the politics game.
So when my marriage ended, I made a promise to myself that however hard it might be I was not going back to that way of life. Since then I have worked on creating a life on my terms, with the freedom to do what I want, when I want and never having to ask for permission to take a day of.
I didn’t do the conventional thing of taking my money and putting it into a new home. I used the little bit of cash left over to invest in myself. Sometimes I just used it to have some fun and travel. To me now, it’s all about listening to my inner voice and doing what feels right to me.
Sometimes fear for the future may creep in but that quickly goes away when I realise that I am on a journey for an authentic life true to me.
Allowing, Accepting & Trusting the Process
It is fundamental that when you start on a journey that has no clear ending or aim, that you trust in the process and allow and accept whatever comes your way. It’s about letting go of control and sinking into the flow of life. It’s about letting go of limiting beliefs and expectations, this way you allow new things to just come into your life.
You can read more about what I have done since my divorce and what I plan to do on here – Creating a New Life.