It feels apt for me to be talking about toxic people this morning as I am now at a point in my life that not even what is deemed as my duty is enough for me to put up with toxic people in my life. The challenge is when these toxic people present themselves as friends and family. Then it becomes a choice of putting up with or walking away and for me right now, it’s not a choice. If a relationship with anyone does not include respect, love, appreciation and genuine goodness then there is no place for it in my life.
What Happens When These Toxic People Are Family?
People always say that you should respect your family but that’s because there is an assumption that your family has treated you well. What happens when that is not the case? Should we still respect them?
“Respect is not freely given, it is earned. You do not owe anyone respect, you do not owe anyone anything.”
This line about owing respect to people just because they are family is used as emotional abuse, it is often used to manipulate and control. Respect is never a given, it is earned and that includes close friends and family.
I would argue that it is even more important that those close to you respect you because if they can’t then what gives them the right to sit close by you through your life?
If there are people in your life that rule you through fear, belittle you and do not appreciate you, it is time to exit their life.
“If they do not appreciate what you bring to the table, let them eat alone”
This isn’t saying “I hate you” – It’s saying “I LOVE ME!”
People Want You To Make Them Feel Good
Ultimately all relationships are based on how we feel when we are with others. If being around someone does not feel good, then it’s unlikely to be a good relationship. When that other person is family then we tend to put up, suffer the bad feelings out of duty. However is that just accepting another one of those expectations society has us believe is the right thing to do?
I think it’s also another example of attachment because moving away from family means breaking a lifetime of attachment. But in fact no relationship without mutual respect and appreciation is a valid relationship.
You owe it to yourself to realise that as people grow they either grow together or they grow apart. If that growth takes people into different directions and that person no longer has a positive affect on you, then you have to let it go. Otherwise you hinder your own growth.
To be truly authentic in life, you must be true to your core values. Are you a slave to loyalty?