Thought for today

Kopan Monastery “Thought for Today” Board

Yes there is Life After Divorce

It’s now nearly 16 months since my marriage ended, not yet a year for the formal divorce. Today I started to think a about what I’ve been through during this time of turmoil. And I was surprised to actually see the progress I’ve made, the things that I’ve achieved and you know what I actually smiled about it!

16 Months ago I would not have imagined to be where I am now, emotionally rather than physically. 

In the first few months and I know you will be asking for specifics here because I know I searched for answers to these questions obsessively at the beginning. So for the sake of clarity, I would say the first year you will probably be living in a non state. Nothing makes sense.

This quote from Pema Chodron sums up how I felt when “Everything Fell Apart”

” Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.”

When people used to say to me, it will all work out, you will be fine I just could not see how?

I mean thirty years is a long time, you’re habits, your identity, everything is so interconnected that you do feel like everything has fallen apart.

Today I wanted to share a short list of the things I have done/achieved since my separation.

  • I sold everything I had from my marriage, with the exception of my car because that was always my car. This letting go of physical attachments was really scary but I think pivotal to my detachment and ultimately for my freedom.
  • I traveled to a far away place on my own, with no idea what I was going to find. Wow now that was feeling the fear and doing it anyway but so worth it. I met some great people, saw amazing places, managed to help a children’s charity and strengthened my self confidence.
  • I moved into a flat, on my own. Never lived on my own before, except for a few months after my parents divorced when I was 18. Having to learn how to live alone after so many years, that’s been an amazing ride.
  • I’ve been to Scotland, Amsterdam, Cyprus, Nepal with more travel planned. I love travelling.
  • I have declined jobs, determined to create my life on my terms. This makes me live on the edge of fear every day. But I know in the end it will be worth it.
  • I became a grandmother, now that’s a completely new role for me!
  • I quit smoking and improved my health.
  • I have started eating much healthier, focusing on getting healthy on the inside.
  • I started new hobbies, like photography and even a bit of yoga!
  • I’ve simplified my life and removed all unnecessary distraction life the TV. So peaceful now.
  • I have become a Mindfulness Practitioner and doing my best to fully embody the practice in my daily life.

If I had still been in my marriage what would I have done for myself?

I doubt I would have done very much, I am pretty sure I would have continued to waste my life away in front of the TV watching everyone else live their lives.

And please listen to my little audio about how it feels right now to be where I am.