The one thing that I have learnt in the last year is that I spent a lot of my life people pleasing. Making too many compromises to keep the peace and to ensure I didn’t upset anyone.
During my marriage I often just accepted things as they were because it was easier than causing trouble. My role was to make sure everyone was happy, my own needs came last. To a certain extent as a mother that is acceptable but should not be the case as a wife.
People Pleasing is the Number One Cause of Unhappiness.
I’ve finally got to a place where I don’t care what people say or how they see me, that’s no longer my problem. And I will not apologise for who I am because I’m happy with who I am.
“I will not conform to the stereo typical middle aged woman just to fit in because I have no need to impress anyone.”
I have learnt to accept the fact that sometimes people won’t like me, sometimes they may get upset with me but that’s life and I can live with that.
“Lost myself trying to please everyone else, now I’m losing everyone else trying to find myself”
Being Your Authentic Self
This journey that I started over a year ago has turned me inwards, by that I mean that all the work, all the learning has been within. I’ve not looked outside for solutions, happiness or answers, I’ve done the work on myself and continue to do so.
This inner journey has uncovered many uncomfortable feelings, I’ve struggled to find my authentic self because through the years I buried her deep inside. I did this so I could fit in, to conform to the expectations of a good wife, mother, daughter and the numerous roles I took on during my life. It’s what we do because we want people to like us and love us. But what we fail to see is that when we are not really being authentic, people don’t really like us, they like the person they think we are.
“Knowing Yourself is the Beginning of All Wisdom”- Aristotle
What Happens When You Stop People Pleasing?
- You start to pay attention to your own needs and preferences – Yes you put yourself first – No that’s not selfish.
- You start to honour yourself. If you don’t honour and respect yourself how can you expect anyone else too?
- Yes you will lose friends or people you thought were friends. But guess what, you suddenly find new friends who love you for who you are.
- You become comfortable with yourself and ultimately happier in your own skin.
- You know that inner battle that is always going on inside, well it will start to calm down because you no longer fight your authentic self.
So try saying No when you really don’t want to do something and start saying Yes to the things you do want.