This week a couple of friends pointed something out to me that gave me a real insight into how I beat myself up. One of them said “Anna, you start almost all your sentences with a sort of apology”
So this week I’ve focused on being aware of what I say, really listening to the words that come out of my mouth. And yes she was right. It’s like I have to have a good enough excuse to voice an opinion, like I’m not really important enough to actually have a valid point. I used to think that was me being humble but actually it’s not, it’s the fear of being not worth it.
On the exterior many of us can come across as confident, got it all under control but when someone really takes the time to know you, they will see the truth of your lack of self belief. A lot of this stems from our childhood, the stories you have accumulated in your head from growing up. For me I think it has been based on always being told I am the strong one, that’s a tall order for a child I think.
This got me thinking about how I can help myself start believing in myself more and then help others to do the same. I’d like to share my thoughts here:
- The most important thing you can do is to really focus on what you say to yourself. Our internal conversations are the most powerful ones we will ever have and they go on everyday, every second. Become aware of what you are telling yourself.
- Noticing what you say internally is just the beginning. Once you become aware of what you are saying to yourself, then just remember to also say “this is just a thought, it’s not real. I am good enough” or something similar. You can do this in meditation or throughout your normal day, ideally you would do both.
- Then you need to really start building self belief into your life. We tend to compare ourselves to others all the time. Remember others are comparing themselves to you all the time and many will be thinking they are not as good as you!
When we lack self belief we put protective shields around us. We try not to be vulnerable so we don’t get hurt. I know this because it’s been my life’s mission, self protection. It didn’t work and yes I got hurt lots of times, just as you will. The more you protect yourself the more you hurt yourself. So open up to all experiences, be prepared to be hurt but know that when it hurts you grow through learning and your self belief strengthens.