pain and suffering

We have all had our share of pain over the years and I’m sure all been hurt in one way or another. Unfortunately that’s life. After all if life had no pain, it would be perfect, right?

That thought in it self is one reason we feel so much pain and get hurt so often. By hoping for a without pain we are strive for something that is impossible to achieve. The more we battle with life in order to avoid pain, the more we feel pain when something we didn’t want to happen actually happens. Then we are hurt because our expectations are not met. And so it goes, on and on.

Can we avoid pain so we never hurt again?

Obviously NOT, sorry to let you down. I bet you were hoping that I had found some kind of miracle?

You can’t avoid pain, even if you shut down all your feelings to self protect. By shutting yourself down you are in constant pain, avoidance is just avoidance, it doesn’t remove pain nor stop you from getting hurt.

protectionWhen my marriage broke down I could have chosen to put up walls so I was no longer vulnerable, become negative about life and in particular about men but I knew that the only one that would get hurt by doing that would be me. So I made a very conscious decision to open myself up to the world, take it step by step knowing that I had the strength to get through whatever challenges presented themselves without killing my spirit and love for life.

People around me comment about the way I have been able to turn my life around. On the outside it may actually appear to have been very easy. I can assure you it was not easy and I still struggle at times, less and less now but I am human and do have my “down” days.

So I wanted to share some of the strategies I have used to help me through, how I deal with the hurt and pain.

  • For me the time I spent learning the Buddhist teachings helped tremendously. I am not a Buddhist, I haven’t explored this enough to be able to go down that path. But the teachings are powerful if incorporated into life.
  • Of course Mindfulness has been extremely important to me through my journey. It has taught me to focus only on myself, to not look outside for blame, solutions and remedies. All the work has been done inside and continues to be.
  • And because of these fundamental foundations, I have learnt to let go. I don’t hang onto very much in my life anymore.
  • Self Compassion – learning to let yourself of the hook, to fully accept and love yourself so important.
  • Compassion for others – try to put yourself in the place of the other person, even the ones that hurt you. Hard but so powerful.

And of course, the less you expect from others the less you can be hurt.