I restore myself when I am alone – Marilyn Monroe
So here you are, starting over and on your own for the first time in years or decades. How do you learn to be happy alone?
- The first thing you have to do is to stop romanticizing how great everything was when you were with your ex-partner. I’m not saying there weren’t some good times and benefits but nobody is going to tell me that everything was rosy. If it was you would still be together. But after a break up we can start to make up stories in our heads about how much worse it is being alone than in the relationship. Let’s get real, it wasn’t all fantastic.
- Try remembering the things that actually got on your nerves. I know I lost many nights sleep from having snoring in my ears all night. Don’t miss that, actually there’s a lot of things I don’t miss.
- Now you don’t need permission from anyone, you want to do something then go do it. How liberating is that?
- We tend to need someone else to validate us. We seek approval, attention and recognition. Guess what though, you don’t need it! Whether you are one part of a couple or not makes no difference to your value in this world. Stop seeking validation from others, look for it inside and that’ enough.
- You know all those things you dreamed of doing, well now you can do them.
- Build your network of friends. Oh here’s another thing I don’t miss. Having to be friends with people you are not compatible with because they are your partners friends or worse family. Now you get to choose your friends.
- Spend time exploring your feelings when they arise. Don’t ignore them or try to distract yourself from having to think about them. Sit with them, meditate and dig deep. Why would you not want to spend time with you?
Ask yourself, “If I can’t stand being alone, how do I expect others to want to spend time with me?”