sometimes you need to walk away

It’s two years to the day that my thirty year marriage ended. Time for reflection, time to be proud of my journey and where I am right now.

People often ask me how long it took me to get over my divorce. They can’t connect the person I am now to the person I was two years ago, they can’t see the process only the end result. The only one that can really understand my journey is me.

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

Some research suggests you need one year for every four years you were together. Thankfully not the case for me, otherwise I’d need at least another four years in the “getting over it” stage. For me it was about a year, not as straight forward as I make it sound and by no means easy.

A recent study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology says:

  • 71% of those who split in the last six months felt better after 11 weeks
  • Separate study says divorce takes far longer to get over

This study was based on the views of 155 people, hardly a representative sample. It is all a matter of perspective.

So How Long Will It Take For You to Get Over Your Breakup?

What if I said there is no one answer to that question? It is a very personal journey, it all depends on the individual. Perhaps it’s not about getting over it but about accepting it as part of your life and then moving on.

The longer you hold on the longer it will take to move on. It’s that simple.

If your breakup is fairly recent you probably don’t want to even imagine letting go, perhaps you should just think about letting things be instead. It’s far easier than trying to let go.

let it be

Letting go depends on your relationship, your attachment, your personality and circumstances. 

Even though each of us must take our own journey through this difficult time, it is a choice to stay so attached, to not want to let go. Until you can face the harsh truth of it being your choice to stay stuck or to move on, then nothing will change. You decide.

How Resilient Are You?

Resilience is a very important part of getting through a relationship breakup. My parents divorce prepared me for my own. I had an experience to relate to, I could see that my parents survived their divorce, we all survived it. Growing up in a family that had clearly broken down made me resilient from a young age.

Being used to life’s ups and downs and having the ability to pick yourself up is what makes some get over things easier than others.  Whatever your previous experience has been, this is your chance to become resilient and wiser.

Acceptance: Questions May Stay Unanswered.

And this is a massive one. The constant search for answers, why? who? what? When? Where? that goes on and on in your head. Accepting what is, accepting that there may be no answers and accepting that sometimes things just happen is the first real step to moving on.

Start searching inside for your answers, don’t expect to get them from your ex or from anyone else. The work begins with you. And remember you can be your own worst enemy or your own best friend, you decide.

If you are struggling with moving on, connect with me. You don’t have to be alone.