I had an interesting conversation in my group session this week. We talked about the struggle of letting go of past relationships, especially when you believe that it was “The One”. The special one that you’ve been waiting for, that one who will be there for you forever, the one that will have your back, who will share your sadness, joys and pain.
However there is no such thing as forever, if there is anything certain in this world it is that change is constant. Look around you, what has stayed the same? If things change then people change, that is the nature of life.
If things didn’t change there would be no butterflies”
Fighting Change is What Causes so Much Pain.
Isn’t it a strange life we live? We know forever doesn’t exist, life itself doesn’t last forever yet we spend all our lives clinging to keep things the same. It’s that constant struggle to keep things from changing that makes us so unhappy yet we persist.
Life is a String of Moments
When we start to live mindfully and become aware of life in the moment, then we have a profound understanding of change. Life isn’t a long straight line, it is a bumpy road made up of good, bad and ugly moments. Once we can accept that we can learn to make peace with life.
Fear of Change is Just a Fear of the Unknown
If change is happening all the time why do we resist it so much? Sometimes we even resist change if our current situation is not exactly perfect (and I use perfect very loosely). The reason we do this is because we fear the unknown. You know the saying “better the devil you know” well that’s exactly how we play our life. Stuck in the known in case the unknown is not what we want.
Then we never experience the amazing because we stay in the safe place we know. Life passes us by, with few amazing moments.
Relationships Change Too
And whether we like it or not, people change, relationships change and clinging onto the story we have told ourselves about this relationship just prolongs the pain.
Can we learn to live our relationships moment to moment?
Just imagine if we could really live our relationships in the moment, without this unrealistic expectation that it will somehow never change and last forever. How would that change how we relate to others, especially in our close and intimate relationships?
I asked these questions in my session, a lot of silence followed because it goes against everything we grow up believing.
It’s uncomfortable to imagine being in any kind of relationship without having a dream of it lasting forever. Even friends are meant to be forever right?
Perhaps it’s time to accept that change is inevitable, learn to live more in the moment without too many expectations about the next moment. Trusting that it will unfold exactly as it should be.
Learning to let go of people when they need to move on, when you need to move on and make room for new people, new things and experiences. Sometimes the unknown turns out to be much more than you ever imagined.