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It is alarming to see the rise in divorce in later life, people who have been married for many years. I am obviously more aware of this now since my own divorce but it does raise a few questions. Why is it that people opt to go their separate ways after being married for so long? Surely you would have thought that having gone through the usual ups and downs of life, you would have reached a time when maturity has set in and life has started to cruise along.

It doesn’t seem to be the case though, people are opting for the bumpy divorce road and it’s a trend that is continuing to increase. There’s nothing wrong with two mature adults choosing to go their separate ways, after all we live in a free world, right? But it’s when I read that the number one reason for divorce is adultery that I get a bit annoyed. So I am going to voice an opinion that might be a little uncomfortable for some, but as I said it’s a free world.

Divorce is definitely not frowned upon as it was a few years ago, so why do people feel they need to treat their partners with such disrespect by having affairs? Surely if we are free to go our separate ways, no judgement, no unequal treatment in society, then why not just end the relationship with dignity and maturity. What is it that makes someone who was once a loving partner treat you with such disregard?

Well I think I’ve sort of worked it out and if you have been a victim of poor behaviour by your ex-partner or soon to be ex-partner, let me just tell you

“it’s not your fault, it really is all their fault!”

Yes I know the norm is to tell people there’s two sides to a story and there definitely is, but that still does not excuse cruel and nasty treatment of another.  When I say it was definitely not your fault, I don’t mean you have no blame for the relationship turning sour. Even by the fact that you chose to be with this person implies you had some control over the situation. So let’s be mature here and all take responsibility for the choices we make in our lives, good, bad and ugly, they were our choices. But at the same time, give yourself a break. If like me you got married young, then at least blame it on inexperience and immaturity. All part of life and growing up.

However someone treating you with total disregard shows a lack of emotional intelligence, empathy and compassion. Not great traits to have as a person. It’s not because suddenly after all the years together you are no longer attractive, fun or whatever reason your ex gave you for doing what they did. After all unless they are getting younger with age, I doubt they are as attractive as they were when you met them. Also a sign of low emotional intelligence is not valuing someone for the person they are and looking at the external appearance. That’s just an excuse to make them feel better, so please don’t accept blame or feel bad, really just see them for who they are. Without lowering the tone too much, when someone purposely hurts another, especially those close to them, they are showing their true selves and their behaviour is really a reflection on them.  They can give reasons to justify their behaviour but they are not justifiable reasons. This quote explains my point perfectly.

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I want to leave you with this thought:

In life you really do reap what you sow. If you believe in Karma, then the only thing you must do is work on you. When you understand that the only person you can change is you, then you can let go of people, things and situations that do not serve you and worse of the ones that hurt you. One thing we always have a choice about is how we treat others, nobody has the right to treat you badly, so let them own their behaviour and walk away.

More on this subject to come, happy to hear your thoughts on this. Share them on Twitter or Facebook.