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If you are going through a divorce or separation right now, don’t underestimate the process. I am sharing my experience, I don’t know how you are feeling because relationships are complicated and diverse, nobody can really understand your story. I write from my own experience, that’s the only one I’ve got.

swanI am sure all of us would have preferred to meet the perfect partner and lived happy ever after. And that is exactly the problem, this story of the happy ever after. What chance is there of that happening in a world where change is the only thing that is certain?

We meet someone and expect everything to stay the same but people change. I have complete admiration for couples that grow together, embrace the changes and continue to love each other regardless. I’m not talking about people who stay together because it’s the easier option, that isn’t real, it’s just convenient. I’m talking about people who have a strong relationship that has changed over time to full acceptance.

One thing I know for sure is that painful experiences have been my best teachers, I wouldn’t change them however difficult they have been. If we can open up to what life throws at us then we can learn so much:

  1. Divorce can become a battle of two egos. If you have been “wronged” then your pride is hurt. The one that initiates the procedure can end up feeling somehow powerful. It’s all a game for the ego and ends up causing so much suffering. “Pain is inevitable, suffering is an option”
  2. Choose your battles. Of course if you have to protect yourself from physical or emotional abuse, then fight for it. If you have to protect your children, then fight for it. But nothing else is worth the fight. Not the who gets what, not the who is right and who is wrong. Those battles are not worth fighting.
  3. Divorce is the ultimate lesson in letting go. Stop trying to hang on, stop trying to keep something broken together. I let go of everything, I packed up the whole thirty years into three boxes, everything else was meaningless, so I chose to let them go.
  4. People change –  Yes hard as it may sound we all change. He or She said they loved you beyond everything, then suddenly they don’t even like you. Maybe you stopped loving your partner a long time ago but just kept hanging on to the make believe? Respect that in any relationship there are two individuals.
  5. Why should we live by decisions we made when we were twenty or thirty or even younger. That was us then, not us now. Just let yourself of the hook and face the fact that you’ve just grown apart. There is nothing wrong with that.

I’ve learned from my divorce, it’s been the greatest lesson so far and I truly respect the learning.