As I write this I am sitting in a hotel room in Cyprus. The significance of this is that this is the hotel I stayed in for my honeymoon. It’s also where we spent many a Sunday when I lived in Cyprus. There is a lot of connection here with my past. This got me thinking about how my life has changed over the last couple of years, it also got me thinking about how important it is to know how to heal yourself so you can move on into your new life.
I came to the realisation that I am truly free from the past, there is such a sense of peace with it that I can only be happy with everything just as it is. So how did I get to this point? What would I say to someone who is stuck in that place in the past?
1 – Learn to Let Go of the Past
I think the most important thing anyone can do is to learn to make peace with the past. To do that is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It’s about accepting that whatever was, it is the past, it’s gone. Can’t bring it back, can’t change it and can’t live in it. If that’s the case, surely it’s a waste of energy to give the past so much of your present time?
To heal yourself you have to work towards creating a life for yourself in the present. Make your life great now, then the past becomes your greatest lesson. If you can start to relate to your past in a completely different way, it no longer holds you in it’s grasp.
I look back in a much more detached way because the past was right for me at the time, it served it’s purpose and I let it go. I don’t look back in a nostalgic way, I don’t look back at all most of the time. Can you accept that however painful your past may have been, it was also the greatest opportunity to learn, to grow and at the time it was where you needed to be?
When you change how you relate to your past, it no longer is a place you want to live in.
2 – Learn to be Fully Comfortable Being Alone
To me this is very high on the priority list, if you want to heal yourself you had better start loving being alone. Why? Because until you can do that you will be making future choices based on your need for someone else. It sounds so obvious right? But I’ve met so many people who are stuck in this attitude of “when I meet that special person I’ll do this or I’ll do that” – Why? Just live your life now, in it’s full glory and let it flow without waiting for someone or something outside of yourself to complete your picture.
I have become so comfortable alone that there’s not very much I won’t do on my own. And what happens is that when I am on my own I somehow meet so many new people, have so many interesting conversations and life is so much more open.
If it feels uncomfortable or scary to do things alone, then just see if you can get past that fear and go do it! Once it’s done, it’s not that scary. I stay in hotels alone, I eat in restaurants alone, I go out, I do everything if not more than I would have when I was married. And it makes me feel so strong and confident, I stand alone and that is so fulfilling.
3 – Learn to Ignore Other People’s Judgements and Opinions
This one is the hardest one for so many people, me included. I’m much better at it now than I used to be. I often do things just to provoke a reaction because I want to show people that their view of me is insignificant. Others can not direct how I live my life because I can only live according to me.
Learning to ignore or better put, learning to not be influenced by other’s takes courage. It means that you may very well loose friends. It may mean that you will find yourself on your own but the freedom you get from living according to you is worth it, I can vouch for that.When you know you are happy to stand alone, then what others think of you bears little importance.
We cause ourselves so much pain by listening to others, everyone wants to share their opinion of you and your life. Especially if it takes them out of their own limited comfort zone. You can only live your life, let them live theirs.